An Irrational Fear of Small, Colourful People
by Queen of the Castle
Summary: "Rose Tyler, I thought you weren't afraid of anything! You've faced Slitheen and Cybermen and Daleks and barely blinked, but you're seriously worried about a few Munchkins?"


"No _way_," Rose breathed, stopping abruptly in the TARDIS doorway. She looked around, her mouth gaping in a way that was almost unattractive. _Almost_, the Doctor thought. He had yet to meet any patented Rose Tyler expression that he didn't like.

"It's ... this is ... and that's ..." she continued, pointing out at the road.

"Oz!" the Doctor announced with a grin. "Home of anti-gravity broomsticks, bubble-teleports, at least four different sentient species living together at any given time in history, and a road that's exactly fourteen point six-nine-eight miles in length and completely made of yellow brick. Well, brick-composite, anyway. And, well, there's also some pretty heavy oppression in this part of the universe around about now, but I think we can probably do something about that. What d'you think? New Oz, the Land of the Free? Has a nice ring to it, yeah?"

"But it can't be," Rose said. "I mean, _Oz_. That's just a movie, isn't it?"

"It's a planet _and_ a film," the Doctor corrected. "Happens all the time. Human beings get hold of some knowledge about the rest of the universe that no one from their time would believe, so they make it into fiction. They always make a mint off it, so no one's really complaining. There's more than one book out there about me, you know. They go right back to centuries before your time."

"All this time and you're still tryin' to impress me," Rose teased.

The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "What, all this time and you still _need_ impressing? I give you Oz, and you give me lip. I ask you, is that a fair trade?" His continued grin belied his put-upon tone.

"Shut up," she said, softening her words with a grin to match his.

The Doctor held out his hand across the threshold of the TARDIS to pull Rose outside. Rose hesitated to take it.

"But hang on. If there's all those other things like in the movie, does that mean there's ..."

"What?" the Doctor prompted when Rose trailed off uncertainly.

She mumbled something that he didn't quite catch.

"What's that?"

"_Munchkins_," she said more loudly through gritted teeth. Her eyes darted around as if the beings in question could hear her.

"'Course there's Munchkins! Well, they're not called Munchkins. That's just humans trying to belittle anything they see as different, pardon the pun."

Rose shuddered. "They're really here? 'Cause Munchkins give me the creeps," she admitted.

The Doctor looked incredulously at her. "Rose Tyler, I thought you weren't afraid of anything! You've faced Slitheen and Cybermen and _Daleks_ and barely blinked, but you're seriously worried about a few Munchkins? They're harmless."

"They're just too ... _cutesy_." Rose said the word like a curse. "It's just doesn't seem quite real, yeah? Like it's a cover, and they're actually maybe a bit cruel underneath the innocent looks, like Oompa Loompas." Rose's eyes widened. "Oh my god, please tell me there's no such things as _Oompa Loompas_ out there somewhere."

"No, that's just Roald Dahl," the Doctor assured her. "Bit of an odd brain, that one. A good sort of odd, though. Unless you have an irrational fear of small, colourful people, apparently."

"Oi, it's not like that!" Rose said with a pout. "I've met plenty of small, colourful creatures that I've liked just fine, remember? It's just ... why do they have to _sing_ for no apparent reason? It's weird."

The Doctor shook his head indulgently. "Remind me not to take you to Ipsohotar, then."

"I will," Rose promised, stepping out of the TARDIS and grabbing the hand that he'd offered to her earlier. "Right after we're done here."

"I thought you were too afraid of running into Munchkins to want to explore," the Doctor remarked.

Rose rolled her eyes and gestured with her free hand at the yellow brick road. "You don't seriously think I'm gonna miss the chance to 'follow the yellow brick road', do you? Besides, you said we had a nation to free. I'm not letting anyone stay oppressed if I can help it, even if it is the Munchkins."

"Now that's the Rose Tyler I know," the Doctor said.

"You only take the best, remember?" Rose said, poking her tongue out teasingly. She set off for the road without any warning, with a bounce in her step. The Doctor lagged just a second behind her, led by the pull of her hand in his.

"So are we off to see a wizard, or is that part made up?" she asked.

"I don't know, actually. We'll have to wait and see. More fun that way, anyway," the Doctor replied.

"Just lettin' you know, though," Rose said, "if we run into Munchkins, or whatever they call themselves here, and they start singin', you're carryin' me up on your shoulders until we get back to the TARDIS. When they show their true colours and turn on us, I'm gonna be well up out of the way."

It took nearly a minute for the Doctor to stop laughing. It was a good thing he had a respiratory bypass system. He was even more thankful that his arm was apparently tough enough to cope with anything, even a scolding Tyler-grade slap.

~FIN~


End file.
